Hello again, ladies, and thank you for once again tuning in to Mom Mondays. Although, the way this week’s going, I can’t help but wonder if I should call it “Tired Tuesday” or “Worn Down Wednesday” instead. I’m sorry for the three-day lateness of this post. Getting into the swing of working with the children at home has not been an easy task. In the first week of the quarantine, I was sharing my computer with my children so they can do their schoolwork. Picture seven people, one apartment, and four people were sharing one laptop. No worries, ladies, I am still sane, and I have not ripped out all of my hair. I have found that the peace of writing at 5 AM jumpstarts my creative juices. So, you ladies will be hearing more from me in the coming mornings. I hope you guys are surviving week 2 of the quarantine. Sufficed to say if week 1 was the honeymoon phase, week two must be the annoying phase. Regardless of the obstacles, we are surviving, and everyone is healthy over here. Carmen’s cough is even starting to go away. To keep my sanity through the crisis, I have been attending my favorite knitting club meetings online. I also took this as an excellent opportunity to grow my freelance writing business, a feat that has been far more challenging than I had anticipated. Finding the clients for the company has not been the tricky part, would you believe it? As it turns out, trying to do business with tiny humans running around my home has been near impossible.
Work From Home…Sort of
Every morning, I get up, write, check my business ads, and get my writing projects done. My investment in Thumbtack has proven to be worth it. As a result, to my utter surprise, I have been swamped. Why the shock, you ask? To provide a quality product, I have to speak to my clients and work closely with them. This hands-on approach is what makes my business unique. This approach means that I will have no choice but to take business phone calls at home with the children awake. When I am on the phone with a potential client, and the children are screaming, crying, or photobombing my video business meeting, I feel like that guy that is smiling to convince the world that nothing is wrong, while his house is burning behind him.
On Monday, I began my work week the same way I usually do, eyes half-closed at 5 AM, staggering towards the Keurig. As I began to write my Mom Monday blog post, Thumbtack alerts started pouring in. I answered the consultations one by one. Before I knew it, it was noon, and I had a workload the size of Mount Rushmore. I took a break. Then I started knocking out my workload one project at a time. I had a grant consultation scheduled for 1 PM. Silly me, I figured with it being so close to nap time, there would be no issues with children interfering with the video conference. Little did I know, the child I would have to worry about was not the younger ones that required a nap in the middle of the day, but my teenager that is supposed to know better.
As expected, my grant client video conferenced me at 12:55 PM. I was listening to information about his organization, upcoming projects, and grants for which he is qualified. Smooth sailing, right? Yeah, I wish. When my client began the customary introductions, I had just sent my two younger children to bed. It discomfited me to find that my middle son, Jonathan, had jumped into the frame and introduced himself too. I redirected him to take a nap. I figured that would be the end of it, but he came back. This time he came in with an Alexa puck in tow, playing the pineapple apple pen song. (For those of you who are not familiar with this song, let me begin by telling you, you are lucky. Secondly, the Baby Shark song has nothing on the pineapple apple pen song. If the Baby Shark song, Play Dough and Legos got together and had a conference about creating a product more annoying than they are, the pineapple apple pen song would be the product.) Right when I started having fantasies of burying Alexa in a shallow grave, Jonathan began to dance in the frame of the video chat! As aggravated as I was, I couldn’t help but laugh despite myself. I was sure that my client was about to end the video chat and tell all his friends about the most unprofessional video chat in which he just had the misfortune of participating. Bless his heart. He just continued the business conference as if my son had not just hijacked my meeting to dance to the most annoying song on the planet.
After a brief reprieve from the most embarrassing interruptions that could occur during a business meeting, I finally relaxed. I thought, “maybe I will land this contract after all.” During the virtual facility tour, my daughter sauntered up to me and dashed my contract hopes to pieces. As she confidently waved to my client, I imagined her waving goodbye to my contract. Then, she overtly announced to my client, his construction team, and me, that she had to poop. I was mortified, but thankfully, my client was good-natured. He understood that due to COVID-19, there was a good chance that I would be home with my children. Carmen did her business and went back to sleep. I breathed a sigh of relief.
We began to talk about the numbers. I made the mistake of looking down to take notes while he was speaking. He stopped talking abruptly and started laughing. It was not even the polite chuckle that you do when your boss makes a corny dad joke. It was a full-on, tears in your eyes, belly laugh. I stopped writing to see what was going on. I looked up to find that my teenaged son decided, that because the conference app I was using, offered no filters, he would go ahead and make his own. Bunny filter eat your heart out; I had customized finger bunny ears courtesy of David.
So, I did not get that contract. I do not know what happened; he decided to go in a different direction. I tried to pinpoint the exact moment where I could have lost that client, but there were just so many from which to choose. Even the best mother would have lost it. Yes, I was pissed, but the fact that all I could do was laugh, proves that I am either insane already or on the platform, waiting for the crazy train. Maybe I am losing it in a completely different way. I have just learned not to stress about things that I have no control over.
While I may have a significant say in how my children behave, they are still three separate human beings with a will all their own. We can guide them and chide them, but at the end of the day, we are going to love them no matter what they do. We may as well laugh while we can. Thank you for tuning in to my extremely late Mom Monday post that happens to be posted on Wednesday this week. Join me on Every Monday for Mom Mondays. I swear it will not only be on time this time, but it will be early in the morning. As always, ladies, you are doing fine. Subscribe below to stay up to date on the “There’s Something About Mom News.” Click below to donate to Autism Speaks.