let's kill them all.

It has come to my attention that there is a huge problem standing in the way of progress. Hiding in the jungles, forests, grasslands and deserts are indigenous tribes stubbornly refusing to join the modern world. How could they not see the benefits of eliminating diversified agriculture to produce food and growing cash crops instead? I mean, who doesn't love an excellent cotton gumbo, or tobacco stew? How could they not see the benefits of cutting down the trees to produce timber and make paper? Sure there are some medicinal plants there, but once we have stripped that resource clean, there will be no more need to preserve it. The trees may grow back, but the land has other hidden resources begging to be mined. We should cut down all the trees and excavate the earth before the trees grow back. Haven't you eaten diamonds before, or experienced the healing power of gold? I assure you it is an experience you will not soon forget.



Since they refuse to join us, I've devised a plan to kill them all. At first, I thought we could just round up the indigenous people and shoot at them. Unfortunately, genocide is frowned upon in the first world, and we would certainly meet an unpleasant end. Then I thought, maybe we should just conquer them, march them to one small uninhabitable area of the country and leave them there. Indeed our problems would be solved.  Then it hit me; there is no need for me to murder these people. Ethnocide is not frowned upon; in fact, many consider it an essential part of progress. So, here is my step by step plan to kill off the indigenous tribes without murdering a single person. I will blaze the path to progress by methodically breaking down the indigenous cultures.

The first step is to make it impossible for them to pass on their way of life to future generations. We do this by conquering a country rich in resources and forcing them to speak English. Forcing the conquered to speak English will eliminate the remaining indigenous culture, fight the new regime’s resistance, and force them to comply. The older generation will die, being the last of their people to speak their language. The younger generation will be unable to communicate with the older generation. They will not have to suffer through the passing down of an antiquated, irrelevant culture. We are doing the younger generation service if you think about it. Although indigenous tribes have spent centuries being able to heal themselves, feed themselves, and live without ever disturbing the environment around them, progress demands us to change. With the older generation out of the way, we will force future generations to strip the land of all its resources. As a result, they will learn how to utilize the land properly. They will learn not to leave so many of the resources behind, as the generation before them had done. Another benefit of preventing indigenous languages from being spoken is the limitation of the indigenous people's ability to resist. Suppose they do not speak the language of the majority. In that case, one cannot organize or incite dissent in enough people to make a difference. In essence, it is utilizing a "Tower of Babel" (Genesis 11:7-9) method of sorts. The confusion will breed compliance.



Once we have immobilized their ability to fight back, we go on the offensive. To survive, people need a place to live, food sources, and their health. So we would need first to remove them from their home. You can find most indigenous tribes in the jungles and forests. They live where the food sources are plentiful, where they can hunt, and gather. Some are pastoralists that farm, raise cattle, and live off the forest. We would simply cut down the trees to displace them from this mode of living and their homes. Harvesting the timber was always part of the plan for progress, eliminating the indigenous tribes' habitat in the process takes care of two problems in one swift action. Once the trees are gone, the animals will have nothing to eat and leave. This elimination will remove their food source and force them to leave too. Naysayers will say, "what about the people who grow their food using a system of diversified agriculture?" To this, I say, if we have conquered the country, the land is ours to do as we please. We would simply seize the land as planned, and forbid it to be used for personal crops. It would free up acres for us to grow cash crops. Some say that this plan is flawed because there will not be enough people to work the cash crop farms. This problem is already solved. We have placed the conquered indigenous tribes in a position to need income. With the food sources gone, they will be dependent upon the food we import. To pay for this food they will need jobs, and wouldn't you know it, we have positions open on our cash crop farms. With the trees gone, the mosquito population will rise. This plague will spread mosquito-borne illness to the indigenous people who choose to stay despite the lack of food. Those who do not die from mosquitoes will get ill from being exposed to people outside of their tribe. The rest will have no choice but to work on the cash crop farms, either work the farms to pay for the food that they are forbidden to grow, or starve. This step will eliminate homes, food sources, cull the ones strong enough to work the farms and provide cheap labor to grow crops for export.



If we follow this model, their culture will disappear. All that will be left is our culture, cheap labor, and money by the boatloads. Once the indigenous tribes are extinct, we will be free to consume everything. We can cut down all the trees. What do we need medicinal plants for when we have money? We can mine to our hearts' content. When it all runs out, we can always eat the money.